Monday, December 19, 2011
A Boyfriend Won't Make You Happy
Aside from all of the story-like elements of a relationship that romance movies depict, the movies also tell nuns that a relationship can offer them a sense of security. The movies provide excellent examples for why nuns should want a boyfriend. They say that a boyfriend becomes your built-in best friend; you will never be lonely because he will always want to hang out with you; he will shower you with compliments, and you will feel good about yourself in general.
Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated.
However, a problem arises when a nun cannot separate those feelings of self-worth and appreciation from the idea that having a boyfriend will automatically grant her these things.
Thus, my second point is do not attempt to start a relationship because you think that having a boyfriend will instantly make you a happier person and that your life will be complete once you have him. When I was younger, I used to wish (even more-so than I do now) that my life was like a movie. I thought that my life was sad because I didn’t have a boyfriend like I saw girls have in the movies. I used to tell myself that “Life will be better when I have a boyfriend.”
At the beginning of every school year from 6th to 11th grade, I made it my goal to find a boyfriend, so that my life could be “complete.” The funny thing is that when I sought for one, I never got one. I gave up caring, and after accepting the fact that a boyfriend was not coming, I had to live with myself. I had to discover who I was and see that my life was good even though I didn’t have a boyfriend to complete it.
Thus, the very presence of a boyfriend in your life cannot solve those problems for you, but he can be a support system to help you through. If he genuinely cares about you, he will not heighten your awareness of your feelings of insecurity, but he will help you to see the great qualities that you have that he loves, that you may not have seen as strengths before. Learn to be ok with who you are first before entering a relationship.
<3 The Nunnery
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Annoying Couples
As the weather is changing people are being significantly more affectionate to their Saturday night cuddle buddy. The problem is that this affection is being displayed in public and it’s becoming pretty annoying. Here is a list of things that are bothersome and I asked couples to refrain from these activities in public in order to maintain the sanity of single people.
• Backrubs at church… most distracting thing on earth
• Backrubs on Splash Mountain… this is a children’s park please
• Kissing is public… save it for the bedroom
• Waffling it
• Giggling
• Hogging the sidewalk with romantic nightly strolls
• Talking about marriage after two weeks… What. The. Hell.
Thank you
<3 The Nunnery
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Love is Not Like the Movies
Many nuns feel an overwhelming desire to be in a relationship. The desire to have a boyfriend most likely stems from the nun’s obsession with the media, specifically romantic comedies and teen dramas. These movies make relationships look dramatic, intense, exciting, and fun. They can cause the nun to believe that having a boyfriend will spice up her life in ways that it has never been spiced up before.
However, one caution that I would like to give to Nuns is to remember that the movie industry capitalizes on its over-exaggeration of love. To state it more bluntly, the representation of the ways that a boy falls in love with a girl in the movies is often VERY unrealistic. Take for example the popular movie plot where the main character is rebelling or freeing herself from the constraints of her old stuffy identity when she moves to or visits a new town.
One day during one of her “quests” to leave her past behind and to explore her new surroundings, she sees the most gorgeous boy EVER glancing at her from across the street. This is their first encounter and it seems as though they will never see each other again, but he shows up in the most unlikely of places and then it’s all downhill from there—they fall in love in like 2 days.
The movie boy is of course PERFECT. He is so nice, and so humble, and so cute, and so kind to old people, and so kind to animals, or kids, or whatever. He has cared for his sick mother. He is the definition of a saint. Or he is the complete opposite, but the girl knows that his heart is inherently good and he just needs her to bring out his goodness.
As nuns know, these scenarios would not work out in reality, although we desperately wish it did. Believe me, there have been many times that I have gone on a family vacation in search of a summer fling and ended up coming home with nothing but a souvenir key chain to show for the trip. These false depictions lead to false impressions of the Nuns’ understanding of what love is “supposed” to be like.
This leads me to my point: Do not try to start a relationship based on an idealized movie version of what a relationship “should be." The boy of your dreams may not meet the idealized qualities or personality of a movie character and it will be hard to try to mold him into one. Your boy will most likely come with his own "stubborn" personality that try as you might, you cannot shape into the perfect Edward Cullen-like specimen.
His personality is the least of your problems. The movies make every day of a relationship look fun and exciting. The movie couple is almost always involved in some sort of activity, be it bridge jumping, making a telescope and looking at the stars in a cemetery, or getting lost in the city and having some crazy adventure. At the end of their crazy day or at some moment during the journey, they have some sort of sentimental moment where they get lost in each other’s eyes and overwhelmed by the love they have for each other.
The above scene will pose some problems for a nun who believes that every day of a relationship will be fun and exciting. In all truthfulness some days, most days, you will probably spend sitting on a couch doing the same thing that you “always do.” You may be depressed about this every day except date nights because the movies told you that it was not supposed to be like this. You’re supposed to be fun and exciting and have a sentimental moment everyday!? The movies need a dose of reality, but no one wants to watch people sitting on a couch, everyone hates reality . . .
<3 The Nunnery
Monday, September 26, 2011
The Friend Zone
In a previous post I talked about how I was trying my hardest to cultivate a friendship with a boy in hopes of becoming more than a friend to him. Boy, did I indeed cultivate a friendship. I got what I set out for—I now have a friend who is a boy, but I have eternally landed myself a spot in the friend zone.
The ‘Friend Zone’ is a place that you most definitely do not want to be with the boy you like because there is no coming back. Yes, it is true that some girls have gotten a relationship started out of a friendship, but those incidents are far and few in between. A great example of this is the main character in the movie, Just Friends. He thought he was forever in the friend zone, but he ended up getting the girl in the end. So, hey, it just might work out for you too . . .
As nuns, we like to convince ourselves that our attempts at getting a boy to like us have to begin at the friend zone.
We think that if we can only hang out with him constantly that there is hope of him seeing us as something more or at least giving it a thought. But, if there is one thing that I have learned from my experience, the ‘friend zone’ can end up causing you to have a love/hate relationship with yourself and also maybe even with him. This brings me back to a couple of experiences that I had with the boy that I tried to cultivate a friendship with and some red flags to the fact that he did not like me in that way.
Red Flags that point to the ‘Friend Zone’
1. The guy you like constantly talks to you about other girls that he thinks are attractive
2. The guy you like asks you how he might obtain a date with one of those other girls he always talks about
3. The guy you like mistakenly asks out engaged/married women instead of asking you out on dates . . .
4. The guy you like asks you to hang out, but invites you to do things that almost look like you are on a date, so you go on a lot of Pseudo dates
5. The guy you like never speaks of these Pseudo Date after they occur. They are forbidden subjects that are too awkward for either of you to breach
6. The guy you like attempts to have a dtr with you without actually having a dtr?
If you start to experience any of these signs with the guy you like you have to quickly change your status with him because you, my friend are entering the ‘friend zone’ never to return. He sees you as a friend and that is it. He does not think of you in a romantic way because you are a friend. If you like him let him know in a way that makes it clear that you want to be more than friends (but resist grabbing him and kissing him, or some other crazy thing like that).
The consequences of ending up in the 'friend zone' will leave you asking several questions, especially if you continue to be friends with him after you finally convince yourself to stop liking him. Now that you have no feelings for him (or at least that's what you tell yourself everyday), he will feel more at ease to confide in you about his other girl problems because the tension you once had with him is gone, and he can feel its absence too even if you never even said you liked him.
He will constantly tell you how much he likes having you in his life and how much you help him out about his girl issues. You will feel good about this because you know that you are needed and that he still wants you in his life, but at the same time it does something really trippy to your psyche.
I'd advise that if you want to keep him in your life, keep him at a distance, so that you don't constantly re-evaluate your feelings about him that you buried in the past. Be his friend, but don't be so available to him. Move on with your love life. Start liking someone else, and leave your romantic feelings for him in the past. Easier said than done, I know . . .
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Boys with Girlfriends
With the new school year just starting it's time to meet some new faces. Basically it's time for us as nuns to get it together and find out who is available and who is not. At a church activity this one girl went to every single table and asked which guys were single. I think most people thought her forward nature was tactless; but, maybe she has a point. One thing I have learned about boys is that they are naturally secretive and sneaky. If you want to get to know something about a boy, you will have to drag it out of him. Generally most guys will not bring up the fact that they are in a relationship; it is just something that doesn’t come up. Maybe they think that if they bring it up that the girl will think that he is implying that he knows she is interested in him. Thus, bringing up the girlfriend will be insensitive to her feelings and trying to shut her down will cause a reaction of being labeled as a douche. Well let me tell you something boys; it is better to be shut down immediately than to develop a friendship with you. I know too many girls who have fallen victim by being cast as a friend with a boy who as a girlfriend. Luckily I’ve never encountered such a problem. Why?
Because I know better than to be friends with boys with girlfriends. There are two exceptions to the rule. First if you are mutual friends with both of them; but, this might become awkward if they confide with you about the relationship. Second, if you were friends with the boy first. This exception tends to be the gray area as I don’t think most girlfriends would be happy if their boyfriend spends time with a female friend. Even if the relationship was completely platonic, it just wouldn’t work. Lesson to boys: when you get a girlfriend, they become the best friend. This means you cannot go around trying to make friends with other girls. I mean honestly what is the point of that? Do you really dislike the company of your own girlfriend that you require other girls to fill some sort of void? Obviously there is something missing in the relationship and you're not going to solve it by befriending a girl. This doesn’t mean that you can't be friendly with girls, but you certainly cannot develop a friendship with a girl. You might as well dig a grave for yourself. So do us all a favor and be straight forward: tell us that you have a girlfriend and that will be that.
<3 The Nunnery
Monday, September 12, 2011
Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations
Disney may seem like the ideal love story, but it gave me unrealistic expectations of love. This is the true meaning behind the stories that gave false hope to little girls.
<3 The Nunnery
<3 The Nunnery
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The First Date: To Kiss or Not to Kiss
I think that there are different standards for boys and girls as to what is appropriate or ideal at the end of a first date. First dates are exciting for everyone involved. Everyone does not only refer to the boy and the girl who are going out, but everyone includes: friends, neighbors, friends of friends, girlfriends of friends of the boy, parents, siblings, you name it.
The reason why so much excitement surrounds the first date is because of the idea of expectation. What will happen at the end of the night? Will this night lead to prospects of eternity with a future husband or wife? (or at least that is what Everyone else is thinking . . . ) The end of the date is the most exciting moment because in one split second all of those dreams of eternity might actually come true or they may die a slow and painful death while you engage in a courtesy hug.
For a nun who may have been on a few to no dates, this moment can get over exaggerated before the date even begins. A Nun’s idea of the proper ending of the four first date scenarios might go something like this:
1. A good first date will end with a hug and fumbling for keys, but a linger that will show interest, but not too much, of course!
2. A decent first date that could lead to a second will end with a hug at the door because kissing on the first date is trashy to a nun.
3. A let’s be friends date will end with a handshake or a somewhat awkward hug. Awkward on the nun’s part.
4. A terrible first date will end with the nun running for her house door practically before she even gets a chance to get out of the car. Get away as soon as possible. Avoid him at all cost.
According to a boy, the end of the date acts as a summary of the night as a whole. It tells the daters whether or not they are compatible. It also tells them how they feel about each other. How she responds determines what his next course of action will be and whether or not he is still willing to take his chances on her.
1. A good date will end with a hug and a kiss at the door. And it doesn’t have to be a kiss on the lips, but on the cheek. This means that it is a good thing and going somewhere.
2. A decent first date that could possible lead to a second will end with a hug at the door and a goodnight.
3. A let’s be friends first date will end with a pat on the back or maybe a handshake.
4. A terrible first date (meaning don’t ever contact me again) will end with a brisk walk/run to the door, a fumbling for keys, and a quick slam or shut the door in the other person’s face. This scenario is followed by several avoiding or street crossings when the other person is seen.
How do you think a good first date should end? And how will the following one end?
<3 The Nunnery
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The List- Part 2
Everyone has a list of qualities they look for in a future husband or wife. If you say you don't and that we are being shallow for making these lists you are most likely lying to yourself. Subconsciously you have made one and when you date someone you secretly make checks to the list. Obviously, this is ideal, but at least I know what I want. Here is the list of qualities I would like in a husband:
• Generally nice person and considerate to everyone
• Social and not shy around strangers
• Good with children with the potential to be a good father
• Goes to church on Sundays/ LDS
• Intellectual with a college degree
• Has a job that is beneficial to society
• Volunteers in his free time
• An Eagle Scout
• A manly man
• Can make me laugh
• Self-motivated
• Free of addictions
• Good driver
• Good at fixing things
• Open minded and doesn’t judge people
• A little badass
• Good listener
• Likes the outdoors
• Carries the groceries
• Likes to travel
• Nice smile
• Tan
• Green/Blue eyes
• At least 5’10”
• Appreciates my weirdness
• Likes animals, especially dogs and horses
• Wants to live in a small town
• Wants a maximum of three children
• Clean and organized
• Good hygiene
• Good speller
• Usually on time
• Reads the newspaper every morning
• Has a nerdy side to him
• Holds my hand
• Says “Love you Mom” before he hangs up the phone with his mother
• Has a good and stable family
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Why can't he lock it down?
Lock it down, seal the deal; there are numerous expressions the males use to claim victory. But some guys just can’t seem to ‘lock down’ the relationship. They go on a date with a girl, show interest in a relationship, pursue, and nothing ever happens. I know this one guy and trust me whenever I introduce one of my friends to him they instantly fawn over him. He just has this cool demeanor to him that makes the ladies want more. Sometimes, even I, the quintessential pessimist, succumb to his charm. There is no reason why girls shouldn’t be falling down at his door step and there are some girls who do exactly that; but, when he does find a girl that he actually likes he fails to advance to the next step.
So why does this keep occurring? To be honest, I don’t really know. Maybe it’s because he tends to like girls who look like models. Meaning that that the model girl already has multiple suitors; thus, she is the decider of the potential relationship. Since the model girl has an entourage of males to choose from, it is likely she will pick the best candidate for the ‘boyfriend’ position.
Lesson: There will always be someone better, whether they are better looking, taller, smarter, or richer. When we perceive someone as being the best they are essentially just that and completely out of our league. In turn what they perceive as the best is coincidently out of their league. It's a vicious cycle that is continuous as people are always striving to do better. It is the basis of Darwin’s theory 'survival of the fittest'. You date to get ahead, to progress in life's path and I am honestly convinced that this concept is what ends marriages.
Katharine Hepburn had four major affairs in her life. All of the men were married, and all were very helpful to her at different stages in her career- a well-known playwright, an agent, a big producer, and a leading man. Coincidence? I don’t think so. Women choose men (whether it be boyfriends, husbands, or in Katharine’s case affairs) based on what they can provide in the relationship. Again, do you think it’s a coincidence that 2 out of 3 males at BYU are on the pre-professional track? The fact is that more is being expected out of men in every aspect of the relationship. I honestly feel bad for males (sometimes) because there is so much pressure on them to be the complete package.
I realize that this post is not being directed towards the nuns, I suppose this advice is for the model girls. I guess they just have to stop having expectations. The model girls need to be more lenient and realize that correlation does not imply causation. Meaning that if a guy isn't the 'college type' it doesn't mean he is going to be less successful at being the provider. He should still be given a chance. It might take some time adjusting to the fact that you aren't going to be a doctor's wife, but you never know: One day you might be thankful he is actually home.
<3 The Nunnery
Monday, August 29, 2011
The List
In a previous post we discussed the concept of the unattainable man. We talked about the fact that there is no “perfect man,” and that making a list of qualities that you would want this “perfect man” to have is not always the best judge of finding a suitable guy to date. However, just for fun, we would like to post a list of qualities that we want in a guy. If I could pick out the perfect man (marriage material), he would fit this criteria:
• 6 ft. 2
• has six pack abs
• looks like a young Paul McCartney or the Rock
• is always be respectful
• has a nice mom
• wears nice clothes
• has a car
• makes funny faces
• is cute
• never fights with me, but does my bidding
• has an artistic side to him
• plays an instrument
• is a little weird
• is a doctor
• likes to read
• likes all things Harry Potter
<3 The Nunnery
Friday, August 26, 2011
The Boy Decoder

One thing that bugs me about some guys whether they are straight or gay is that they think that they know the female mind inside and out. Some guys profess to know the secret to what makes a woman tick (her emotions, right?). However, I will give them the benefit of the doubt because there are times when they admit to not having a clue at all as to what girls are thinking. But they know about 98.5% of the time (or so they think).
I have recently started doing a case study on the male mind, so that I too, although a girl, may master the art of the male mind and get one step ahead. Today, I will interpret “boy speak” for the common nun. This will act as a guide for how to talk to a guy without hyperventilating during the process . . .
So, when a guy really likes a girl, he is sometimes not very sure what to say or how to act around her. Girls, do not get initially offended. He just really does not know what to say to you because he has been listening to this all day from his other guy friends:
Imaginary Guy - Girls say one thing and when they always mean something else.
Imaginary Guy - Girls don’t know what they want
Imaginary Guy -Girls are gold diggers
Imaginary Guy -Girls are teases
My interpretation of these statements comes out to this: some guys are afraid of girls because we are naturally indecisive. Naturally, this indecision will cause us to only have intentions of breaking their hearts. I would be afraid too if I was a guy and only had this sort of guidance to go off of, so that when a guy finally gets his courage up to talk to us, it comes out like Duke Orcino’s comment to Olivia in the movie, She’s the Man:
Dater Dan- Do you like Cheese?
(I’m just kidding)
Or he says something even more greatly offensive like
Dater Dan- Why are you wearing that shirt?
My studies of boy speak have determined that there is a miscommunication among genders. Although he is not trying to be mean; he is somehow mean, at least according to a girl! Many girls would not even ask another girl why she was wearing a certain something because girls just don’t do that because:
Imaginary Guy - all girls like to gossip.
According to “boy speak,” everything is simpler when you are a guy because you don’t get angry about stupid little things. You don’t fight over girls and end friendships because of them, and if you did, you would be friends the next day like nothing had happened.
Many guys believe that girls are ruled by their emotions:
Dater Jan- Sorry that I was being emotional tonight, I was stressed about school.
Dater Dan- It’s ok. You’re just being a girl.
Dater Jan-What’s that supposed to mean?
Dater Dan- Girls are emotional and crazy.
Nuns, instead of feeling like you are being attacked or generalized in these situations, first think about the male mind and the ease that comes with that way of thinking. Many girls would benefit from just not getting angry and dramatic about every little comment that is made about them that is most times unintentionally mean.
The purpose of these scenarios is to show nuns that we actually do have the upper hand on the guy that we like because he really actually is just as nervous as you are to date even though he is big, and strong, and tough, and a baller . . . (the list goes on). If we know how they think and we enlighten them on how we think, think of how less awkward dealing with members of the opposite gender would be!
This is where nuns come in to save the day and to help their guy friends know how to talk to a girl without being . . . offensive(?) If you currently have a friend who is of a different gender than your own, consult them the next time you open your mouth to speak or choose to get offended at a comment that could easily be brushed off.
<3 The Nunnery
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Mending a Broken Heart
Romantic relationships can be complicated and messy. Let's face it; most relationships don't work out, as most of us will (hopefully) only end up with one significant other. The purpose of the relationships that don't quite work out is to let us grow as a person and to figure out how to make a relationship work when we do find that special someone. Unfortunately when most relationships end someone has to get hurt. Sometimes, it's even hard for both sides--after all, breaking up is not easy to do. It hurts to throw away your story with someone. All the good memories and the dreams and plans you had for the future. It does not matter if you wish things could be different or if you even regret something you did. It does not matter if you regret becoming involved with that person or if you are angry and looking for revenge.
But you must face the fact that your heart is broken.
So now what? Are you going to sit and cry for the rest of your life or are you going to do something to fix your current situation? Put aside all the "what ifs" and remember that you can not change something that was not meant to be. You can only remember the lessons you learned and apply them to the next relationship. And trust me, there will be someone else. But first you need to mend your broken heart. You can do this, you just need to remember that it all depends on you!
Step 1: Cry out everything you have to cry about! When we get hurt, it is completely normal to cry. Don't ever think you are being weak for crying and don't feel embarrassed because of it. You can lock yourself in a room, if you want to, and put on some sad music...but let yourself feel the pain and cry so you can let it go. The main thing here is: Get rid of the pain, just let them go.
Step 2: Get busy. When you are trying to get someone out of your head, you need to put other things inside of it. It doesn't matter how; you just need to get distracted. Go to a movie, play a game, or travel. It does not matter what you are you going to do--the important thing is to find something to do. Find a hobby, find something you enjoy doing, something to keep your mind busy. If your mind is busy you won't have time or space for the person you are trying to forget.
Step 3: Spend some time with your friends. Friends are always great to have in this kind of situation. Friends can make you feel good about yourself and get you distracted easily. They will certainly make you laugh and make you see that you're way more important than you think.
Step 4: Avoid the person. Avoid places you know you might see them. When you're trying to forget someone and you keep seeing them, it becomes harder to move on. If you meet them somewhere be polite, but keep the interaction short. It might be difficult at first because you secretly want to be with them no matter the circumstances, but in the end you will understand why it's better to avoid them.
Step 5: Avoid every kind of romantic thing. If you are trying to forget someone, you should not watch romantic movies or listen to romantic songs...it makes you feel bad and you will certainly remember the person you are trying to get rid of. It does not matter if it is a song you love or if it is playing on the radio, just change the station or do something else...you just need to avoid the romantic things for now.
Step 6: Take good care of yourself. Women tend to run for some kind of self-destruction when they're hurt. When the relationship fails we have no reason to take care of our appearance anymore and the only thing that gives us comfort is chocolate and sugar. That way we become less attractive; which, is apparently convenient since we are not ready to date anyway. But this laziness depletes our self-confidence. So if you are hurt, just try to use your pain to benefit yourself instead of against yourself. Go to the gym and look like you actually took a shower...do whatever you can so you feel beautiful and confident!
Step 7: Open your eyes. You are still in the grieving process for step 7 and by no means are you ready to date yet. But, open your eyes and force yourself outside your comfort zone. There might have been someone who was perfect for you, but you were too busy putting effort into a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. Be open minded and stop comparing every girl you meet to the one that didn't work out.
Step 8: Accept the process. Getting over someone takes time and you have to accept that. You can't expect to forget in 2 days someone you loved for 2 years and you can't pretend to be strong if you feel like crying. Just face your pain and accept that it is not easy and it is going to take some time. When you are patient with yourself and your situation, things tend to get easier and better.
Forgetting someone is not easy to do nor is it easily explained in just 8 steps. But here are some things that will help make the process smoother. As I said, it takes time and it is hard but I'm sure you can do it. The only thing that is really important is: It all depends on you! If you want to forget someone, then you will, there is no doubt. Even if it takes a long time, even if you have to be strong...you will be. In that kind of situation we usually find out that we are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. So believe in yourself, take a deep breath, and move on!
<3 The Nunnery
Monday, August 15, 2011
If he is weird
All of Jenna’s talk about movies got me thinking about the 90s. Remember in the movie Clueless when Ty falls in love with Travis? Cher and Dion tell Ty that there is no way that she can ever date him and expect to still be in the popular group.
At first glance, Travis is the typical stoner, it’s true. He wears dirty shirts, baggy jeans, and has hair that is so greasy that it practically dreds on its own. But despite his outer appearance, he is probably the kindest boy at the whole high school. Is he not the first person to run to Ty’s aid after she gets knocked out by a purple clog?
This example of Travis leads me to an important point to make for Nuns. As a nun, one thing that may be holding us back from finding true dating bliss is the fact that the boys we like may be extremely weird. This boy may like to push the “acceptable” boundaries of society in his appearance and mannerisms. He is slightly rebellious, and we may be slightly attracted to that because as Nuns we like to have a little bit of fun outside of the convent.
We may be afraid to show our true feelings about this boy to our friends because of fear of what they will say. Will they judge us for choosing to like someone who is by definition one of the weirdest people in the world? What will people think of about our own mental stability for choosing to like someone who is abnormal?
With these thoughts constantly running through our minds, we refuse his advances and we act like we are too cool for him, but really, what is normal? Who is normal? NO ONE IS. Everyone has their own little quirks and “special interests,” and those differences are what help to ensure that the whole female population is not chasing after one man.
So what if he likes anime and looks grungy/sketchy 6 out of 7 days in the week? Despite his outward appearance, he may be the sweetest guy in the world, but you have to get past the outward show in order to discover who he truly is. He probably does not show his true self to a lot of people, but in the presence of a Nun, he may feel a little more at ease to be himself because he understands that a Nun may feel just as out of place in the social spectrum as he does.
All I am saying is to consider giving that weird boy a chance : ) it may turn out to be quite beneficial. Your friends might have some objections to the relationship at first, but once they see how the two of you click, his weirdness won’t even be weird anymore. He will just be quirky (which is a nicer way of saying weird, jk). And who cares what your friends think anyway, as long as he’s good to you.
<3 The Nunnery
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Real men can't hold a match to Jake Ryan
As much as I love 80’s movies I feel that the depictions of romance have actually misconstrued the meaning of the word, ultimately causing a skewed perception of males. Case in point: Jake Ryan. He was the quintessential figure of the school: handsome, popular, and rich. But, most importantly he was actually a cool guy. For example, Jake Ryan was the guy who got Samantha’s panties back and didn’t make a big deal of it. He also found the ‘sex test’ she dropped on the floor and just kept the information to himself. He didn’t tell his friends, he didn’t e-mail or text everyone the evidence. So maybe they didn’t have the possibilities of networking that we have today, but even if there was that temptation Jake Ryan wouldn’t have nudged. Why? Because Jake Ryan was and still is the perfect guy. He will forever cloud our minds with possibilities; that the most popular and attractive guy in school will dump his supermodel girlfriend and actually notice the quiet not-so attractive girl.
But the truth is Jake Ryan is fictional, he does not exist, and no he is not going to pick you up at church in his red Porsche 944. It simply will not happen. The only solace remains within the perceptions we have built in our minds during our adolescent days. Every girl had her own Jake Ryan in High School and the world was a better place because of him. On the outside he was perfection and you had this hope he would notice you…. because of Jake Ryan you believed that a nice guy could be inside a flawless exterior, but that is not the case. He is not going to smile at you at the school dance, nor will he take the time to look up your number to call you, and he definitely isn’t going to bake you a cake for your birthday. I’m sorry to this again, but it will not happen.
There is no perfect guy; however, that doesn’t mean that the RIGHT guy doesn’t exist. I think you just have to find someone that you can be yourself around and will accept you for you, vice versa. As I learned in High School you can’t put people on pedestals because they have no where to go but down. Thus, you shouldn’t expect a Jake Ryan, nor should you want one. There are plenty of great guys out there and you just have to look in the RIGHT place to find them.
<3 The Nunnery
Monday, July 18, 2011
Let's go on a Date
What’s the hardest part of going on a date? Getting asked out in the first place. Personally, I can say that I had been on 4 legitimate dates from ages 17 to 21 and that was not annually, there was like a three year dry spell in between, but when you’re a Nun, you have to count what you can get.
It has always baffled my mind how some girls have an endless line of suitors taking a number just to sit next to them on a couch. What is it about them? They may not be the prettiest girl in the world, but somehow, they either know how to pluck the male or they possess an aura. There must be some secret fountain of endless dating that these girls drink from that allows them to get this glowing aura. This aura is so powerful that it blinds guys from getting out of their comfort zone to ask out a Nun which leaves Nuns dateless on the weekends.
So, we have to resort to other means to get some dating experience. Last Sunday, in my ward, we had the dreaded fifth Sunday Priesthood/Relief Society marriage talk. I usually like to blank out on these discussions, but I did happen to take away from it a valuable quote: “You aren’t going to get asked out on dates if you don’t get out of your comfort zone and sit around on your couch waiting for someone to ask you out.”
This statement was like an epiphany for me because in all truthfulness, I do enjoy sitting on my couch and before the age of 21, that is all that I did. Every time that I was on that couch on a Friday night watching a Disney Channel original movie where 13 year olds were finding love, I would say “why doesn’t anyone ever ask me out? Why doesn’t Troy ever sing to me like he does to Gabriella?” I guess you have to get up and stop being so comfortable in order to find a guy friend with the values you desire in a bf and this will help in the dating department.
I think that you don’t have to be the social butterfly of the group and it may not have immediate results right away, but your ability to be yourself in a social setting will help. So don’t lose hope. One day you and a boy will click, and it will be beautiful.
<3 The Nunnery
Friday, July 8, 2011
You might be a nun if
1. Instead of having a face-to-face conversation with a boy, you’d rather have one over fb chat
2. You create elaborate schemes to get him to acknowledge your existence. Such schemes would include: creating an IM account to talk to him as a mystery girl (shout out to my middle school days), conveniently showing up at a place that he frequents, making him a homemade valentine with an encrypted message that means I love you
3. You decide not to dress grungy on the days of the week that you know you will somehow see him, but every other day you like a hot mess.
4. You have only been on a handful of dates in your life with boys you didn’t really even like, know, or been set-up with.
5. You’ve never had a real bf and you’re pushing 23
6. You’ve never been kissed and you’re pushing 23
7. The thought of a relationship excites you and terrifies you at the same time
8. You have flirted all your life, but no one’s ever feelin’ it. They move away from you when you come up to them; they avoid because you’ve become a creeper
9. You have already made a plan to move to a big city and live up the single life at 30 because you think you won’t get married (not true!).
10. You have more crushes on celebrities than on actual people.
<3 The Nunnery
Saturday, June 18, 2011
How to tell if he likes you
The other day I googled “how to tell if he likes you.” The results of this search taught me one thing: apparently, I was supposed to figure out the signs to tell if a boy likes me back in middle school. There is tons of advice on the web for struggling middle school girls, but what about the advice for us nuns? I feel like back in middle school that some potential nuns were too preoccupied with friendships, school work, and extra-curricular activities to even being thinking “seriously” about love. Middle school is awkward enough with without having to also try to decipher the male mind. But, I guess it’s better to figure out these things in middle school than to be in the position that many nuns are in right now: late teens, early twenties still clueless about dating.
I know that there are probably some current nuns who understood how to tell if boys liked them back in middle school. They probably had it down to a science then and thrived, but now that they are older their abilities seemed to have diminished substantially. Why did that happen? It seems like a cruel trick of fate. We’re past middle school and there’s no going back, so we’ve got to make up for the deficit somehow. If I have learned one thing in this past month of my life, it is that if a guy is genuinely interested in you, you won’t even have to ask Google for the answer.
He will find ways to make it known to you because he will take the time out to pursue. He will want to talk to you. He will want to find ways to be around you. He will initiate interaction. Now this is not to say that as nuns we just have to sit around and wait to be pursued. Also, this does not say that if no one is pursuing us (which may be a true case right now) that there is no hope for us. Plenty of great relationships have happened when the boys couldn’t initially see how great the girl was at first.
As nuns, we have a habit of hiding behind our awkwardness, insecurities, or fear of rejection, and that is why some guys won’t consider dating us at first. Once we find confidence in our ability to interact with boys, they will see this confidence in us and will FLOCK to our door. But, I think that it all begins with our ability to be patient with ourselves and to take our interactions with boys one step at a time.
<3 The Nunnery
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
The Cinco
The Cinco involves having 5 main crushes at any given time, I propose:
1. The Ward Crush
2. The Work Crush
3. The School Crush
4. The Facebook Crush
5. The Olive Garden Boy Crush (Can also be Spoon Me Boy Crush, Macey's Cashier Boy Crush etc, you get the idea)
You can have any other random crush in any place you frequent, maybe Gold's Gym Treadmill Boy Crush or whatever.
This way, you don't accidentally obsess too much over one boy. And if School Crush rejects you, you can move along to Work Crush or any of the others. Slowly you can replace School Crush for when this may happen again. You get the idea?
<3 The Nunnery (Special Contribution by Kelsey)
Monday, April 18, 2011
The 80/20 rule
Some recent events in my short time of trying to understand relationships, and how to actually interact with men have reminded me of a scene from Tyler Perry’s “Why did I get Married?” in which the male characters talk about the 80/20 rule. Although this movie primarily focuses on marital relationships, I think that the 80/20 rule can apply to any stage of love.
The rule says that in a relationship you will only get 80% of your needs met. An outsider may offer you the other 20%. If you take the 20% you may risk losing out on the 80% that you were getting, leaving you with less than you had before.
As Nuns it is important that we become familiar with this rule because as soon as a guy shows interest in us, we are going to want to put our all into the relationship to make sure that he stays interested. But, we alone cannot give 100% to the relationship to ensure its success. A relationship should be a partnership where each person strives to put aside his or her own selfish desires to truly consider the wants and needs of the other person. Together, you make decisions that are best for the couple.
I think that many a Nun may think that as soon as one guy becomes interested that she’d better latch onto him because he may be her only chance at true happiness. But, don’t ever sell yourself short. Don’t choose to settle for someone who deep down you know is a jerk and is not worth your time (a 20%er). Remember that you deserve someone who is your 80%! You may not find him right away, but as you look for him, you can strive to find yourself and to understand your own wants and needs.
<3 The Nunnery
Friday, March 18, 2011
Cultivating a Friendship
So, here lately I have been TRYING my best to cultivate a friendship with a boy. Through this cultivation I hope to grow a potential relationship. The reason that I am trying to make this friendship work is because it has recently come to my attention that I mainly have a lot of girl friends and maybe one guy friend, if that (among other things). I have realized that maybe it is important to know how to interact with boys . . .
I don’t know what it is about the opposite sex that causes nuns to become socially awkward and unable to interact with boys like “normal” humans. It’s like something weird happens to the nun’s mind as soon as she registers that she will be in the presence of a boy. She has a major freak out or some sort of chemical imbalance once she discovers that boys will be around. Her mind starts to race and she tries to think of the cleverest thing to say and the best outfit to wear, all in hopes that one or all of them will like her and want to be around her again.
If the first encounter goes well and there is talk of a second meeting, the freak out process will occur again. This time she will be concerned with being as consistently funny and clever as she was before, but she also will try to spice it up to keep the boys interested to keep them wanting to be her friend. But then, sometimes nuns have off days when they just can’t think of anything funny to say; of course these are the days when nuns find themselves in the presence of boys.
When you are a nun and eternally awkward, making friends with a boy is the hardest thing to do, especially if you like him. My main problem with trying to make friends with this boy is that I always fear that if I show too much interest in him that he’ll know that I like him. But wait, isn’t that the point? I think that there is a line between being a guy’s friend and being all up on him. Why is it so hard to make friends with a boy?
<3 The Nunnery
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I Can't Get Started with You
A crush is an intense but usually short-lived infatuation. This infatuation is so short because nothing usually comes out of it. One reason why crushes are so short is because many girls (and even boys) spend too much time gazing at their crush from afar and don’t tell them how they feel. However, there is a moment in every crush where you get tired of sitting idly by and you feel the need to act, to let your crush subtly know you “love” them and do exist. You think that by putting yourself out there that in a couple of days or months, a love match will finally occur because you broke the ice. You sort out all of the “tension” between you two that your crush did not even realize existed. Props to you for finally letting your crush know that you’re interested.
But, WARNING, the act of putting your heart on the line can have two results:
1. He realizes that you’re an interesting and cool person that he really does want to get to know. This response could lead to a DATE, the ideal.
2. Your over-eagerness sufficiently creeps him out. This response could lead to you moving onto your NEXT CRUSH and trying not to be as creepy this time.
I think that result #2 stems out of the fact that as Nuns we may not be sure of how to interact with boys/crushes when we want to let them know how we feel. This uncertainty then makes us nervous and may cause weird sentences to leave our mouths. These sentences may make you go home and ask yourself “Why did I say that? What’s the matter with me?”
But does it ever occur to Nuns that maybe the things we said actually weren’t that weird, but we just think they’re extremely awkward. We didn’t get the reaction we hoped for. I think it would help if Nuns and all girls for that matter start trying to understand how guys think. Go spend time with your brothers, or your friends who are boys and observe . . . I think that guys really don’t see some situations as being as awkward as girls do. I think that everyone gets a little awkward when it comes to true feelings and I think that’s ok. What’s most important is that you were brave enough to express how you feel. Your act of bravery should tell you something about yourself; you’re brave enough to handle your feelings even if you know you might get hurt.
Once you’ve told your crush how you feel it’s up to them to handle what you’ve said. Based on the way that they handle this new information will tell you whether or not you truly want to be with them. People are entitled to say yes if they like you and no if they don’t. With each response you need to respect their decision and then move on from there. But what about the crush that totally ignores your act of trying to get something started? How should a Nun handle that? How can she move on with no sense of closure?
<3 The Nunnery
Friday, January 28, 2011
The Unattainable Man
I think that the one thing that stands in the way of getting asked out or asking someone else out is the unattainable man. We all know the unattainable man quite well; he is the ideal man contrived from all of those Young Women and Sunday school lessons or any list we’ve ever made that addresses the qualities we’d like our future spouse to have. We’ve been told time and again that “who you date is who you marry” and so subconsciously that list comes out and we start to compare those who try to get close to us with the “ideal” person we’ve created.
While the concept of the list creates a great foundation to help us avoid dating complete jerks, we must still remember that one person ALONE cannot possess every trait on our list; after all, no one’s perfect. This is where the idea of the unattainable man comes in, because it may cause us to become preoccupied with searching for a person who may not actually exist. In our search for the unattainable man, we may not recognize the good traits that others may have to offer that may not exactly be qualities we put on our list.
Maybe if we take a break from our quest, we may find that the traits we once saw as “imperfections” (those qualities absent from the list) in those we may have never thought about dating will grow into qualities that we enjoy about them. We may even find that these people may even possess some of those qualities on our list as well.
Now I’m not saying that we should just date every craze on the street and I’m not knockin’ the idea of finding your “perfect” match, but I’m just saying that maybe if we keep an open mind, and try a different approach that we may be happy with the outcome. We may find that we can gain a great friend just by talking to someone we wouldn’t think we’d have anything in common with before. It’s all about making friends first . . .
<3 The Nunnery
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)