The Friend Zone

In a previous post I talked about how I was trying my hardest to cultivate a friendship with a boy in hopes of becoming more than a friend to him. Boy, did I indeed cultivate a friendship. I got what I set out for—I now have a friend who is a boy, but I have eternally landed myself a spot in the friend zone.

The ‘Friend Zone’ is a place that you most definitely do not want to be with the boy you like because there is no coming back. Yes, it is true that some girls have gotten a relationship started out of a friendship, but those incidents are far and few in between. A great example of this is the main character in the movie, Just Friends. He thought he was forever in the friend zone, but he ended up getting the girl in the end. So, hey, it just might work out for you too . . .

As nuns, we like to convince ourselves that our attempts at getting a boy to like us have to begin at the friend zone.

We think that if we can only hang out with him constantly that there is hope of him seeing us as something more or at least giving it a thought. But, if there is one thing that I have learned from my experience, the ‘friend zone’ can end up causing you to have a love/hate relationship with yourself and also maybe even with him. This brings me back to a couple of experiences that I had with the boy that I tried to cultivate a friendship with and some red flags to the fact that he did not like me in that way.

Red Flags that point to the ‘Friend Zone’
1. The guy you like constantly talks to you about other girls that he thinks are attractive
2. The guy you like asks you how he might obtain a date with one of those other girls he always talks about
3. The guy you like mistakenly asks out engaged/married women instead of asking you out on dates . . .
4. The guy you like asks you to hang out, but invites you to do things that almost look like you are on a date, so you go on a lot of Pseudo dates
5. The guy you like never speaks of these Pseudo Date after they occur. They are forbidden subjects that are too awkward for either of you to breach
6. The guy you like attempts to have a dtr with you without actually having a dtr?

If you start to experience any of these signs with the guy you like you have to quickly change your status with him because you, my friend are entering the ‘friend zone’ never to return. He sees you as a friend and that is it. He does not think of you in a romantic way because you are a friend. If you like him let him know in a way that makes it clear that you want to be more than friends (but resist grabbing him and kissing him, or some other crazy thing like that).

The consequences of ending up in the 'friend zone' will leave you asking several questions, especially if you continue to be friends with him after you finally convince yourself to stop liking him. Now that you have no feelings for him (or at least that's what you tell yourself everyday), he will feel more at ease to confide in you about his other girl problems because the tension you once had with him is gone, and he can feel its absence too even if you never even said you liked him.

He will constantly tell you how much he likes having you in his life and how much you help him out about his girl issues. You will feel good about this because you know that you are needed and that he still wants you in his life, but at the same time it does something really trippy to your psyche.

I'd advise that if you want to keep him in your life, keep him at a distance, so that you don't constantly re-evaluate your feelings about him that you buried in the past. Be his friend, but don't be so available to him. Move on with your love life. Start liking someone else, and leave your romantic feelings for him in the past. Easier said than done, I know . . .