In honor of the founder of the Nunnery, we are in celebration today because she has turned the big 2-4 and she has found a man

Facebook Status: “Went from being in a relationship to single”—with acllank

I am not afraid to admit that I have a problem. I have an addiction to Facebook to the point that I have become a self proclaimed Facebook stalker. Now, I know that many of you might be shaking your head at me right now, and are appalled that I would even state such things online, but let’s admit it—if you saw something “interesting” pop up on your news feed it would take all the powers of the Earth and heaven combined to stay your hand from instantly going to stalk out the situation on your friend’s page.

Because, that is what nuns do. No need to be ashamed.

We like to gossip, but we don’t like to label our interest in the affairs of other people with such negative terms as ‘gossiping, but remaining informed. Perhaps the most exciting status update to “remain informed about,” once it pops up in the news feed is that of the “relationship status.” It is invigorating to be in the know on who’s relationship is proclaimed as “complicated,” as you cheer for those who are listed as being “in a relationship,” and you mourn with those who “went from being in a relationship to single.”

It is this last group of people however, who create an at times uncomfortable and even unpredictable misuse of the Facebook status. Now, I am not saying that it is inappropriate to list that you are now single on Facebook, but there comes a point where the information posted no longer becomes Facebook status worthy, but is better suited for a journal that will be under strict lock and key to be potentially thrown in the ocean never to be read by a human soul until it washes up on the beach a hundred to a thousand years after your death. It is fine to mourn a lost relationship, but there is a point where it gets to be too much.

As a constant Facebook stalker, my attention to your posts takes away from the other duties that I have my other friends, but what pulls me in is the fact that your posts are just so angsty, dramatic, and over the top that I can’t help but look. Your proclamations that “you will be stronger without him” and his attempts, along with others to console or even chastise your dramatic nature are even better than watching an episode of the Bachelorette. I am hooked for hours, and cannot look away.

The main thing that bugs me with this is not so much the expressions of emotions, but the medium of it. My understanding of relationships is that the intricacies of them should be between you and him and no one else. This is when a relationship is authentic, and when you show your maturity in recognizing that real relationships that at times are “dramatic” do not have to be so dramatic in a public forum like Facebook! Write it out in a journal rather than using Facebook as one. Trust me, you’ll feel a lot better when your inbox and wall aren’t full of 50 messages asking you what happened—“you were so perfect for him! He is a fool!”

<3 The Nunnery

A Boyfriend Won't Make You Happy

Aside from all of the story-like elements of a relationship that romance movies depict, the movies also tell nuns that a relationship can offer them a sense of security. The movies provide excellent examples for why nuns should want a boyfriend. They say that a boyfriend becomes your built-in best friend; you will never be lonely because he will always want to hang out with you; he will shower you with compliments, and you will feel good about yourself in general.

Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated.

However, a problem arises when a nun cannot separate those feelings of self-worth and appreciation from the idea that having a boyfriend will automatically grant her these things.

Thus, my second point is do not attempt to start a relationship because you think that having a boyfriend will instantly make you a happier person and that your life will be complete once you have him. When I was younger, I used to wish (even more-so than I do now) that my life was like a movie. I thought that my life was sad because I didn’t have a boyfriend like I saw girls have in the movies. I used to tell myself that “Life will be better when I have a boyfriend.”

At the beginning of every school year from 6th to 11th grade, I made it my goal to find a boyfriend, so that my life could be “complete.” The funny thing is that when I sought for one, I never got one. I gave up caring, and after accepting the fact that a boyfriend was not coming, I had to live with myself. I had to discover who I was and see that my life was good even though I didn’t have a boyfriend to complete it.

Thus, the very presence of a boyfriend in your life cannot solve those problems for you, but he can be a support system to help you through. If he genuinely cares about you, he will not heighten your awareness of your feelings of insecurity, but he will help you to see the great qualities that you have that he loves, that you may not have seen as strengths before. Learn to be ok with who you are first before entering a relationship.

<3 The Nunnery

Annoying Couples

As the weather is changing people are being significantly more affectionate to their Saturday night cuddle buddy. The problem is that this affection is being displayed in public and it’s becoming pretty annoying. Here is a list of things that are bothersome and I asked couples to refrain from these activities in public in order to maintain the sanity of single people.

• Backrubs at church… most distracting thing on earth
• Backrubs on Splash Mountain… this is a children’s park please
• Kissing is public… save it for the bedroom
• Waffling it
• Giggling
• Hogging the sidewalk with romantic nightly strolls
• Talking about marriage after two weeks… What. The. Hell.

Thank you

<3 The Nunnery

Love is Not Like the Movies

Many nuns feel an overwhelming desire to be in a relationship. The desire to have a boyfriend most likely stems from the nun’s obsession with the media, specifically romantic comedies and teen dramas. These movies make relationships look dramatic, intense, exciting, and fun. They can cause the nun to believe that having a boyfriend will spice up her life in ways that it has never been spiced up before.

However, one caution that I would like to give to Nuns is to remember that the movie industry capitalizes on its over-exaggeration of love. To state it more bluntly, the representation of the ways that a boy falls in love with a girl in the movies is often VERY unrealistic. Take for example the popular movie plot where the main character is rebelling or freeing herself from the constraints of her old stuffy identity when she moves to or visits a new town.

One day during one of her “quests” to leave her past behind and to explore her new surroundings, she sees the most gorgeous boy EVER glancing at her from across the street. This is their first encounter and it seems as though they will never see each other again, but he shows up in the most unlikely of places and then it’s all downhill from there—they fall in love in like 2 days.

The movie boy is of course PERFECT. He is so nice, and so humble, and so cute, and so kind to old people, and so kind to animals, or kids, or whatever. He has cared for his sick mother. He is the definition of a saint. Or he is the complete opposite, but the girl knows that his heart is inherently good and he just needs her to bring out his goodness.

As nuns know, these scenarios would not work out in reality, although we desperately wish it did. Believe me, there have been many times that I have gone on a family vacation in search of a summer fling and ended up coming home with nothing but a souvenir key chain to show for the trip. These false depictions lead to false impressions of the Nuns’ understanding of what love is “supposed” to be like.

This leads me to my point: Do not try to start a relationship based on an idealized movie version of what a relationship “should be." The boy of your dreams may not meet the idealized qualities or personality of a movie character and it will be hard to try to mold him into one. Your boy will most likely come with his own "stubborn" personality that try as you might, you cannot shape into the perfect Edward Cullen-like specimen.

His personality is the least of your problems. The movies make every day of a relationship look fun and exciting. The movie couple is almost always involved in some sort of activity, be it bridge jumping, making a telescope and looking at the stars in a cemetery, or getting lost in the city and having some crazy adventure. At the end of their crazy day or at some moment during the journey, they have some sort of sentimental moment where they get lost in each other’s eyes and overwhelmed by the love they have for each other.

The above scene will pose some problems for a nun who believes that every day of a relationship will be fun and exciting. In all truthfulness some days, most days, you will probably spend sitting on a couch doing the same thing that you “always do.” You may be depressed about this every day except date nights because the movies told you that it was not supposed to be like this. You’re supposed to be fun and exciting and have a sentimental moment everyday!? The movies need a dose of reality, but no one wants to watch people sitting on a couch, everyone hates reality . . .

<3 The Nunnery

The Friend Zone

In a previous post I talked about how I was trying my hardest to cultivate a friendship with a boy in hopes of becoming more than a friend to him. Boy, did I indeed cultivate a friendship. I got what I set out for—I now have a friend who is a boy, but I have eternally landed myself a spot in the friend zone.

The ‘Friend Zone’ is a place that you most definitely do not want to be with the boy you like because there is no coming back. Yes, it is true that some girls have gotten a relationship started out of a friendship, but those incidents are far and few in between. A great example of this is the main character in the movie, Just Friends. He thought he was forever in the friend zone, but he ended up getting the girl in the end. So, hey, it just might work out for you too . . .

As nuns, we like to convince ourselves that our attempts at getting a boy to like us have to begin at the friend zone.

We think that if we can only hang out with him constantly that there is hope of him seeing us as something more or at least giving it a thought. But, if there is one thing that I have learned from my experience, the ‘friend zone’ can end up causing you to have a love/hate relationship with yourself and also maybe even with him. This brings me back to a couple of experiences that I had with the boy that I tried to cultivate a friendship with and some red flags to the fact that he did not like me in that way.

Red Flags that point to the ‘Friend Zone’
1. The guy you like constantly talks to you about other girls that he thinks are attractive
2. The guy you like asks you how he might obtain a date with one of those other girls he always talks about
3. The guy you like mistakenly asks out engaged/married women instead of asking you out on dates . . .
4. The guy you like asks you to hang out, but invites you to do things that almost look like you are on a date, so you go on a lot of Pseudo dates
5. The guy you like never speaks of these Pseudo Date after they occur. They are forbidden subjects that are too awkward for either of you to breach
6. The guy you like attempts to have a dtr with you without actually having a dtr?

If you start to experience any of these signs with the guy you like you have to quickly change your status with him because you, my friend are entering the ‘friend zone’ never to return. He sees you as a friend and that is it. He does not think of you in a romantic way because you are a friend. If you like him let him know in a way that makes it clear that you want to be more than friends (but resist grabbing him and kissing him, or some other crazy thing like that).

The consequences of ending up in the 'friend zone' will leave you asking several questions, especially if you continue to be friends with him after you finally convince yourself to stop liking him. Now that you have no feelings for him (or at least that's what you tell yourself everyday), he will feel more at ease to confide in you about his other girl problems because the tension you once had with him is gone, and he can feel its absence too even if you never even said you liked him.

He will constantly tell you how much he likes having you in his life and how much you help him out about his girl issues. You will feel good about this because you know that you are needed and that he still wants you in his life, but at the same time it does something really trippy to your psyche.

I'd advise that if you want to keep him in your life, keep him at a distance, so that you don't constantly re-evaluate your feelings about him that you buried in the past. Be his friend, but don't be so available to him. Move on with your love life. Start liking someone else, and leave your romantic feelings for him in the past. Easier said than done, I know . . .

Boys with Girlfriends

With the new school year just starting it's time to meet some new faces. Basically it's time for us as nuns to get it together and find out who is available and who is not. At a church activity this one girl went to every single table and asked which guys were single. I think most people thought her forward nature was tactless; but, maybe she has a point. One thing I have learned about boys is that they are naturally secretive and sneaky. If you want to get to know something about a boy, you will have to drag it out of him. Generally most guys will not bring up the fact that they are in a relationship; it is just something that doesn’t come up. Maybe they think that if they bring it up that the girl will think that he is implying that he knows she is interested in him. Thus, bringing up the girlfriend will be insensitive to her feelings and trying to shut her down will cause a reaction of being labeled as a douche. Well let me tell you something boys; it is better to be shut down immediately than to develop a friendship with you. I know too many girls who have fallen victim by being cast as a friend with a boy who as a girlfriend. Luckily I’ve never encountered such a problem. Why?

Because I know better than to be friends with boys with girlfriends. There are two exceptions to the rule. First if you are mutual friends with both of them; but, this might become awkward if they confide with you about the relationship. Second, if you were friends with the boy first. This exception tends to be the gray area as I don’t think most girlfriends would be happy if their boyfriend spends time with a female friend. Even if the relationship was completely platonic, it just wouldn’t work. Lesson to boys: when you get a girlfriend, they become the best friend. This means you cannot go around trying to make friends with other girls. I mean honestly what is the point of that? Do you really dislike the company of your own girlfriend that you require other girls to fill some sort of void? Obviously there is something missing in the relationship and you're not going to solve it by befriending a girl. This doesn’t mean that you can't be friendly with girls, but you certainly cannot develop a friendship with a girl. You might as well dig a grave for yourself. So do us all a favor and be straight forward: tell us that you have a girlfriend and that will be that.

<3 The Nunnery