Lesson Learned: Do not compare tooshies to baked goodies

As nuns we lack the confidence to express our true feelings to the boy we admire. We tend to marvel at our crush from a far, enchanted by the way he walks down the hallway in his letterman jacket or how his face turns beet red when he laughs…okay sorry, I was reminiscing a moment. During an immature phase of my life that is still pending, my roommate and I decided to obtain a boy in our ward’s attention by sending a personalized card. The handmade concoction included a colored drawing of a muffin coming out of an oven. Inside it asked,

“Does your Daddy own a bakery? Because your buns are amazing!”

Obviously this is extremely middle school and definitely not a mature way of obtaining your crush’s attention. However when these types of acts are done in an anonymous manner it does lessen the stupidity factor. To Mark I apologize perpetually for contributing to the joke that caused a laugh throughout the ward. Also I am sorry for staring at your firm behind on multiple occasions.

<3 The Nunnery

You got a man?

You are walking down the street wearing a cute outfit. You did not try too hard to impress anyone, but today you decided you want to look cute for yourself. As you walk down the street, you pass a man going in the opposite direction from you. (Now, this man ranges in age from about twenty-five to forty-six.) As you pass him, you notice that a slight grin comes across his face as he looks at you. A few seconds later he turns and calls to you “So, you got a man? Can I get your number?” He may even give you the ever-popular air kiss. With a polite or disgusted “ No,” you quickly run off in the opposite direction.

This is a post I'm pretty sure my Virginia people can appreciate, but I feel that at one time or other, any girl can have this experience happen to them. Maybe the question won’t be as blatant as “you got a man?”, but perhaps it comes in another form from a guy who may be a stranger or not as well known to you. Why does it seem like the guys that you know and like don’t pay attention to you, but every other creeper in the world seems to pay a little too much attention to you?

This has been on my mind lately because a couple weeks ago, I met a boy at the local bookstore. According to MSN.com’s relationship section, one of the top ten best places to meet a guy is a bookstore because if he read books, it shows that he is intellectual (or something). Well MSN, does it count if they only go there to sleep between their shifts at work?

Anyway, the bookstore kid asked me for my number, my Facebook, and to go on a date with him to see Harry Potter 6 all within about ten minutes of meeting me. I declined all the offers and went home. A couple weeks later, I went to the library and lo and behold, who walks out of the shelves? Bookstore kid! He sees me, comes over to talk to me a little, and then asks me the same three questions as well as the question: “Do you like me?”

I declined again and explained that I thought he was nice, but I do not know enough about him to like him yet. I just wanted to find a book, not a random boyfriend in the process (I didn’t say this to him). I know that many relationships have started when a girl meets a random guy at a store, on a bus, or at a restaurant, and they just click; but how do you discern good, well-intentioned attention from the attention of the creepers of the world?

<3 The Nunnery

Your attempt at being cool....has Failed

Since living in the Provo bubble for the last few years, I tend to forget how non-Mormon boys behave in the presence of the opposite sex. On a recent excursion to San Diego I witnessed the demoralizing qualities that are true douche bags, rekindling my appreciation for Mormon boys and their sincere attributes. While staying with my engaged friend, we decided to take the ferry from Coronado to the San Diego Harbor to walk the artistic streets of Embarcadero. It was on our way back that trouble began.

While we were waiting for the ferry to go home, a douche lord dawning a Celtic's jersey covered in tattoos approaches us asking how we were doing and when the ferry was coming. We simply gave short to the point answers. As he walked away to smoke another cigarette because he didn’t smell grotesque enough, we boarded the uncrowded boat, only to have him sit right behind us. Since I was studying my flashcards he saw an opportunity for conversation. His opening line…drum roll, “Are you girls not from America? Are you trying to learn English?” Honestly wtf, who asks someone that! Especially since we just talked to you before in clear English! Obviously we ignored the gesture for a continued conversation, but he insisted asking our ages and if we lived in San Diego. By the way he was 28, how gross is that to continue to creep when he knew we were only 22. My friend said her fiance was stationed on Coronado; upon recognizing that she was strictly off limits his unrequited attention was turned towards myself. He asked if she was going to set me up with a Navy boy and if I had “rolled around with someone in the dirt” because I had some dirt on my arm. At this point I was cycling through a string of curse words in my head while trying to decide if he was intoxicated or not. He continued his idiotic antics by asking to teach him some flashcards so he could use them in poetry.

That was enough, obviously one word answers was not sufficient so I flashed him a silent response of annoyance, that left us some time to enjoy the peace. As we were leaving he asked if we wanted our picture taken together, we declined and quickly left. Only five minutes later while we were walking home another douche pulled out his hand towards my friend for a high five with verbal encouragement, “Come on give me a high five!” He was denied as she quickly walked passed in hopes of avoiding the awkwardness. Yet again, five minutes after that we were trying to cross a busy street only to be hollered at like cattle.

Needless to say, I was appalled by this experience. Does acting like a total narcissistic jerk make girls swoon? I just cannot believe that the guys we encountered receive dates by behaving in this manner; it’s shocking.

<3 The Nunnery

The Dreaded Head Nod

With the increase in technological advances of today’s society, it seems as though personal communication has been kept to a minimum. I nonchalantly have entire conversations via text message, independently self-check out my salubrious groceries, and sadly I even scan my index finger to check in at the gym. I have noticed that the communication skills of my generation have been abandoned faster than the appreciation of the Iphone 4. The male specimen is the prime offender of this degrading trend. Already known for their inability to communicate properly during a relationship, guys have fully taken advantage of the technology not offered to that of their previous generation. We all have known of some  poor nun who received the dreadful break-up text message, thus violating her opportunity for vituperative revenge. However, one faux pas I ponder the most is the dreaded head nod.

It is a ridiculously testosterone induced phenomena that I will never fully understand. The male likening to the head nod questions my confidence in their ability to verbalize on a date since they are incapable of expressing a simple greeting. I have been personally been victimized by the dreaded head nod. Here is my story.

I try to be a nice girl with proper manners and such; after all I do attend a school immersed in archaic rules of etiquette. On the first day of fall semester last year; I sat straight across from a boy I had shared a previous class with. In continuing with my nice girl routine, I smiled and said, “Hi, Brian”, only to receive the dreaded head nod with a then repulsive look, followed by him conversing to a fellow male. Another example is when I repeatedly saw my former T.A. in the library. I strategically attempted multiple variations of “Hello” in hopes of any verbal response; I yet again was left with the head nod. In regards to these two not so young, unmarried imbeciles, I was not trying to “get with you” or anything. I was simply trying to be a friendly person and I do not understand why you were not able to replicate a verbal response back. Again, I fail to understand why moving your head in forward, yet static motion would be warmingly received by the opposite sex. It is definitely a turn off and a good predictor that their lack of communication qualities is what roughly ends fifty percent of marriages. Fellow nuns, I ask you to take an oath to stop this heinous crime that is committed amongst the female population on a daily basis. Please stand up for your rights of proper communication and courtship. I realize this is the twenty-first century, but is that justification for treating girls like slot machines? No, I think not.

<3 The Nunnery

Words of Wisdom

The purpose of this blog is of course to express our true feelings about the opposite sex and get ourselves to the nunnery when all else fails. But siliness aside, let's not forget the amazing work from the Nuns who serve and make this world better place. My grandmother, a devoted Catholic, had a Mother Teresa quote in her home that I will always cherish. We just need to remember it doesn't matter if boys think that we are socially awkward misfits. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, this is what matters:

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

<3 The Nunnery