The Friend Zone

In a previous post I talked about how I was trying my hardest to cultivate a friendship with a boy in hopes of becoming more than a friend to him. Boy, did I indeed cultivate a friendship. I got what I set out for—I now have a friend who is a boy, but I have eternally landed myself a spot in the friend zone.

The ‘Friend Zone’ is a place that you most definitely do not want to be with the boy you like because there is no coming back. Yes, it is true that some girls have gotten a relationship started out of a friendship, but those incidents are far and few in between. A great example of this is the main character in the movie, Just Friends. He thought he was forever in the friend zone, but he ended up getting the girl in the end. So, hey, it just might work out for you too . . .

As nuns, we like to convince ourselves that our attempts at getting a boy to like us have to begin at the friend zone.

We think that if we can only hang out with him constantly that there is hope of him seeing us as something more or at least giving it a thought. But, if there is one thing that I have learned from my experience, the ‘friend zone’ can end up causing you to have a love/hate relationship with yourself and also maybe even with him. This brings me back to a couple of experiences that I had with the boy that I tried to cultivate a friendship with and some red flags to the fact that he did not like me in that way.

Red Flags that point to the ‘Friend Zone’
1. The guy you like constantly talks to you about other girls that he thinks are attractive
2. The guy you like asks you how he might obtain a date with one of those other girls he always talks about
3. The guy you like mistakenly asks out engaged/married women instead of asking you out on dates . . .
4. The guy you like asks you to hang out, but invites you to do things that almost look like you are on a date, so you go on a lot of Pseudo dates
5. The guy you like never speaks of these Pseudo Date after they occur. They are forbidden subjects that are too awkward for either of you to breach
6. The guy you like attempts to have a dtr with you without actually having a dtr?

If you start to experience any of these signs with the guy you like you have to quickly change your status with him because you, my friend are entering the ‘friend zone’ never to return. He sees you as a friend and that is it. He does not think of you in a romantic way because you are a friend. If you like him let him know in a way that makes it clear that you want to be more than friends (but resist grabbing him and kissing him, or some other crazy thing like that).

The consequences of ending up in the 'friend zone' will leave you asking several questions, especially if you continue to be friends with him after you finally convince yourself to stop liking him. Now that you have no feelings for him (or at least that's what you tell yourself everyday), he will feel more at ease to confide in you about his other girl problems because the tension you once had with him is gone, and he can feel its absence too even if you never even said you liked him.

He will constantly tell you how much he likes having you in his life and how much you help him out about his girl issues. You will feel good about this because you know that you are needed and that he still wants you in his life, but at the same time it does something really trippy to your psyche.

I'd advise that if you want to keep him in your life, keep him at a distance, so that you don't constantly re-evaluate your feelings about him that you buried in the past. Be his friend, but don't be so available to him. Move on with your love life. Start liking someone else, and leave your romantic feelings for him in the past. Easier said than done, I know . . .

Boys with Girlfriends

With the new school year just starting it's time to meet some new faces. Basically it's time for us as nuns to get it together and find out who is available and who is not. At a church activity this one girl went to every single table and asked which guys were single. I think most people thought her forward nature was tactless; but, maybe she has a point. One thing I have learned about boys is that they are naturally secretive and sneaky. If you want to get to know something about a boy, you will have to drag it out of him. Generally most guys will not bring up the fact that they are in a relationship; it is just something that doesn’t come up. Maybe they think that if they bring it up that the girl will think that he is implying that he knows she is interested in him. Thus, bringing up the girlfriend will be insensitive to her feelings and trying to shut her down will cause a reaction of being labeled as a douche. Well let me tell you something boys; it is better to be shut down immediately than to develop a friendship with you. I know too many girls who have fallen victim by being cast as a friend with a boy who as a girlfriend. Luckily I’ve never encountered such a problem. Why?

Because I know better than to be friends with boys with girlfriends. There are two exceptions to the rule. First if you are mutual friends with both of them; but, this might become awkward if they confide with you about the relationship. Second, if you were friends with the boy first. This exception tends to be the gray area as I don’t think most girlfriends would be happy if their boyfriend spends time with a female friend. Even if the relationship was completely platonic, it just wouldn’t work. Lesson to boys: when you get a girlfriend, they become the best friend. This means you cannot go around trying to make friends with other girls. I mean honestly what is the point of that? Do you really dislike the company of your own girlfriend that you require other girls to fill some sort of void? Obviously there is something missing in the relationship and you're not going to solve it by befriending a girl. This doesn’t mean that you can't be friendly with girls, but you certainly cannot develop a friendship with a girl. You might as well dig a grave for yourself. So do us all a favor and be straight forward: tell us that you have a girlfriend and that will be that.

<3 The Nunnery

Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations

Disney may seem like the ideal love story, but it gave me unrealistic expectations of love. This is the true meaning behind the stories that gave false hope to little girls.

<3 The Nunnery

The First Date: To Kiss or Not to Kiss

I think that there are different standards for boys and girls as to what is appropriate or ideal at the end of a first date. First dates are exciting for everyone involved. Everyone does not only refer to the boy and the girl who are going out, but everyone includes: friends, neighbors, friends of friends, girlfriends of friends of the boy, parents, siblings, you name it.

The reason why so much excitement surrounds the first date is because of the idea of expectation. What will happen at the end of the night? Will this night lead to prospects of eternity with a future husband or wife? (or at least that is what Everyone else is thinking . . . ) The end of the date is the most exciting moment because in one split second all of those dreams of eternity might actually come true or they may die a slow and painful death while you engage in a courtesy hug.

For a nun who may have been on a few to no dates, this moment can get over exaggerated before the date even begins. A Nun’s idea of the proper ending of the four first date scenarios might go something like this:

1. A good first date will end with a hug and fumbling for keys, but a linger that will show interest, but not too much, of course!
2. A decent first date that could lead to a second will end with a hug at the door because kissing on the first date is trashy to a nun.
3. A let’s be friends date will end with a handshake or a somewhat awkward hug. Awkward on the nun’s part.
4. A terrible first date will end with the nun running for her house door practically before she even gets a chance to get out of the car. Get away as soon as possible. Avoid him at all cost.

According to a boy, the end of the date acts as a summary of the night as a whole. It tells the daters whether or not they are compatible. It also tells them how they feel about each other. How she responds determines what his next course of action will be and whether or not he is still willing to take his chances on her.

1. A good date will end with a hug and a kiss at the door. And it doesn’t have to be a kiss on the lips, but on the cheek. This means that it is a good thing and going somewhere.
2. A decent first date that could possible lead to a second will end with a hug at the door and a goodnight.
3. A let’s be friends first date will end with a pat on the back or maybe a handshake.
4. A terrible first date (meaning don’t ever contact me again) will end with a brisk walk/run to the door, a fumbling for keys, and a quick slam or shut the door in the other person’s face. This scenario is followed by several avoiding or street crossings when the other person is seen.

How do you think a good first date should end? And how will the following one end?

<3 The Nunnery