Annoying Couples

As the weather is changing people are being significantly more affectionate to their Saturday night cuddle buddy. The problem is that this affection is being displayed in public and it’s becoming pretty annoying. Here is a list of things that are bothersome and I asked couples to refrain from these activities in public in order to maintain the sanity of single people.

• Backrubs at church… most distracting thing on earth
• Backrubs on Splash Mountain… this is a children’s park please
• Kissing is public… save it for the bedroom
• Waffling it
• Giggling
• Hogging the sidewalk with romantic nightly strolls
• Talking about marriage after two weeks… What. The. Hell.

Thank you

<3 The Nunnery

Love is Not Like the Movies

Many nuns feel an overwhelming desire to be in a relationship. The desire to have a boyfriend most likely stems from the nun’s obsession with the media, specifically romantic comedies and teen dramas. These movies make relationships look dramatic, intense, exciting, and fun. They can cause the nun to believe that having a boyfriend will spice up her life in ways that it has never been spiced up before.

However, one caution that I would like to give to Nuns is to remember that the movie industry capitalizes on its over-exaggeration of love. To state it more bluntly, the representation of the ways that a boy falls in love with a girl in the movies is often VERY unrealistic. Take for example the popular movie plot where the main character is rebelling or freeing herself from the constraints of her old stuffy identity when she moves to or visits a new town.

One day during one of her “quests” to leave her past behind and to explore her new surroundings, she sees the most gorgeous boy EVER glancing at her from across the street. This is their first encounter and it seems as though they will never see each other again, but he shows up in the most unlikely of places and then it’s all downhill from there—they fall in love in like 2 days.

The movie boy is of course PERFECT. He is so nice, and so humble, and so cute, and so kind to old people, and so kind to animals, or kids, or whatever. He has cared for his sick mother. He is the definition of a saint. Or he is the complete opposite, but the girl knows that his heart is inherently good and he just needs her to bring out his goodness.

As nuns know, these scenarios would not work out in reality, although we desperately wish it did. Believe me, there have been many times that I have gone on a family vacation in search of a summer fling and ended up coming home with nothing but a souvenir key chain to show for the trip. These false depictions lead to false impressions of the Nuns’ understanding of what love is “supposed” to be like.

This leads me to my point: Do not try to start a relationship based on an idealized movie version of what a relationship “should be." The boy of your dreams may not meet the idealized qualities or personality of a movie character and it will be hard to try to mold him into one. Your boy will most likely come with his own "stubborn" personality that try as you might, you cannot shape into the perfect Edward Cullen-like specimen.

His personality is the least of your problems. The movies make every day of a relationship look fun and exciting. The movie couple is almost always involved in some sort of activity, be it bridge jumping, making a telescope and looking at the stars in a cemetery, or getting lost in the city and having some crazy adventure. At the end of their crazy day or at some moment during the journey, they have some sort of sentimental moment where they get lost in each other’s eyes and overwhelmed by the love they have for each other.

The above scene will pose some problems for a nun who believes that every day of a relationship will be fun and exciting. In all truthfulness some days, most days, you will probably spend sitting on a couch doing the same thing that you “always do.” You may be depressed about this every day except date nights because the movies told you that it was not supposed to be like this. You’re supposed to be fun and exciting and have a sentimental moment everyday!? The movies need a dose of reality, but no one wants to watch people sitting on a couch, everyone hates reality . . .

<3 The Nunnery

The Friend Zone

In a previous post I talked about how I was trying my hardest to cultivate a friendship with a boy in hopes of becoming more than a friend to him. Boy, did I indeed cultivate a friendship. I got what I set out for—I now have a friend who is a boy, but I have eternally landed myself a spot in the friend zone.

The ‘Friend Zone’ is a place that you most definitely do not want to be with the boy you like because there is no coming back. Yes, it is true that some girls have gotten a relationship started out of a friendship, but those incidents are far and few in between. A great example of this is the main character in the movie, Just Friends. He thought he was forever in the friend zone, but he ended up getting the girl in the end. So, hey, it just might work out for you too . . .

As nuns, we like to convince ourselves that our attempts at getting a boy to like us have to begin at the friend zone.

We think that if we can only hang out with him constantly that there is hope of him seeing us as something more or at least giving it a thought. But, if there is one thing that I have learned from my experience, the ‘friend zone’ can end up causing you to have a love/hate relationship with yourself and also maybe even with him. This brings me back to a couple of experiences that I had with the boy that I tried to cultivate a friendship with and some red flags to the fact that he did not like me in that way.

Red Flags that point to the ‘Friend Zone’
1. The guy you like constantly talks to you about other girls that he thinks are attractive
2. The guy you like asks you how he might obtain a date with one of those other girls he always talks about
3. The guy you like mistakenly asks out engaged/married women instead of asking you out on dates . . .
4. The guy you like asks you to hang out, but invites you to do things that almost look like you are on a date, so you go on a lot of Pseudo dates
5. The guy you like never speaks of these Pseudo Date after they occur. They are forbidden subjects that are too awkward for either of you to breach
6. The guy you like attempts to have a dtr with you without actually having a dtr?

If you start to experience any of these signs with the guy you like you have to quickly change your status with him because you, my friend are entering the ‘friend zone’ never to return. He sees you as a friend and that is it. He does not think of you in a romantic way because you are a friend. If you like him let him know in a way that makes it clear that you want to be more than friends (but resist grabbing him and kissing him, or some other crazy thing like that).

The consequences of ending up in the 'friend zone' will leave you asking several questions, especially if you continue to be friends with him after you finally convince yourself to stop liking him. Now that you have no feelings for him (or at least that's what you tell yourself everyday), he will feel more at ease to confide in you about his other girl problems because the tension you once had with him is gone, and he can feel its absence too even if you never even said you liked him.

He will constantly tell you how much he likes having you in his life and how much you help him out about his girl issues. You will feel good about this because you know that you are needed and that he still wants you in his life, but at the same time it does something really trippy to your psyche.

I'd advise that if you want to keep him in your life, keep him at a distance, so that you don't constantly re-evaluate your feelings about him that you buried in the past. Be his friend, but don't be so available to him. Move on with your love life. Start liking someone else, and leave your romantic feelings for him in the past. Easier said than done, I know . . .

Boys with Girlfriends

With the new school year just starting it's time to meet some new faces. Basically it's time for us as nuns to get it together and find out who is available and who is not. At a church activity this one girl went to every single table and asked which guys were single. I think most people thought her forward nature was tactless; but, maybe she has a point. One thing I have learned about boys is that they are naturally secretive and sneaky. If you want to get to know something about a boy, you will have to drag it out of him. Generally most guys will not bring up the fact that they are in a relationship; it is just something that doesn’t come up. Maybe they think that if they bring it up that the girl will think that he is implying that he knows she is interested in him. Thus, bringing up the girlfriend will be insensitive to her feelings and trying to shut her down will cause a reaction of being labeled as a douche. Well let me tell you something boys; it is better to be shut down immediately than to develop a friendship with you. I know too many girls who have fallen victim by being cast as a friend with a boy who as a girlfriend. Luckily I’ve never encountered such a problem. Why?

Because I know better than to be friends with boys with girlfriends. There are two exceptions to the rule. First if you are mutual friends with both of them; but, this might become awkward if they confide with you about the relationship. Second, if you were friends with the boy first. This exception tends to be the gray area as I don’t think most girlfriends would be happy if their boyfriend spends time with a female friend. Even if the relationship was completely platonic, it just wouldn’t work. Lesson to boys: when you get a girlfriend, they become the best friend. This means you cannot go around trying to make friends with other girls. I mean honestly what is the point of that? Do you really dislike the company of your own girlfriend that you require other girls to fill some sort of void? Obviously there is something missing in the relationship and you're not going to solve it by befriending a girl. This doesn’t mean that you can't be friendly with girls, but you certainly cannot develop a friendship with a girl. You might as well dig a grave for yourself. So do us all a favor and be straight forward: tell us that you have a girlfriend and that will be that.

<3 The Nunnery

Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations

Disney may seem like the ideal love story, but it gave me unrealistic expectations of love. This is the true meaning behind the stories that gave false hope to little girls.

<3 The Nunnery

The First Date: To Kiss or Not to Kiss

I think that there are different standards for boys and girls as to what is appropriate or ideal at the end of a first date. First dates are exciting for everyone involved. Everyone does not only refer to the boy and the girl who are going out, but everyone includes: friends, neighbors, friends of friends, girlfriends of friends of the boy, parents, siblings, you name it.

The reason why so much excitement surrounds the first date is because of the idea of expectation. What will happen at the end of the night? Will this night lead to prospects of eternity with a future husband or wife? (or at least that is what Everyone else is thinking . . . ) The end of the date is the most exciting moment because in one split second all of those dreams of eternity might actually come true or they may die a slow and painful death while you engage in a courtesy hug.

For a nun who may have been on a few to no dates, this moment can get over exaggerated before the date even begins. A Nun’s idea of the proper ending of the four first date scenarios might go something like this:

1. A good first date will end with a hug and fumbling for keys, but a linger that will show interest, but not too much, of course!
2. A decent first date that could lead to a second will end with a hug at the door because kissing on the first date is trashy to a nun.
3. A let’s be friends date will end with a handshake or a somewhat awkward hug. Awkward on the nun’s part.
4. A terrible first date will end with the nun running for her house door practically before she even gets a chance to get out of the car. Get away as soon as possible. Avoid him at all cost.

According to a boy, the end of the date acts as a summary of the night as a whole. It tells the daters whether or not they are compatible. It also tells them how they feel about each other. How she responds determines what his next course of action will be and whether or not he is still willing to take his chances on her.

1. A good date will end with a hug and a kiss at the door. And it doesn’t have to be a kiss on the lips, but on the cheek. This means that it is a good thing and going somewhere.
2. A decent first date that could possible lead to a second will end with a hug at the door and a goodnight.
3. A let’s be friends first date will end with a pat on the back or maybe a handshake.
4. A terrible first date (meaning don’t ever contact me again) will end with a brisk walk/run to the door, a fumbling for keys, and a quick slam or shut the door in the other person’s face. This scenario is followed by several avoiding or street crossings when the other person is seen.

How do you think a good first date should end? And how will the following one end?

<3 The Nunnery

The List- Part 2

Everyone has a list of qualities they look for in a future husband or wife. If you say you don't and that we are being shallow for making these lists you are most likely lying to yourself. Subconsciously you have made one and when you date someone you secretly make checks to the list. Obviously, this is ideal, but at least I know what I want. Here is the list of qualities I would like in a husband:

• Generally nice person and considerate to everyone
• Social and not shy around strangers
• Good with children with the potential to be a good father
• Goes to church on Sundays/ LDS
• Intellectual with a college degree
• Has a job that is beneficial to society
• Volunteers in his free time
• An Eagle Scout
• A manly man
• Can make me laugh
• Self-motivated
• Free of addictions
• Good driver
• Good at fixing things
• Open minded and doesn’t judge people
• A little badass
• Good listener
• Likes the outdoors
• Carries the groceries
• Likes to travel
• Nice smile
• Tan
• Green/Blue eyes
• At least 5’10”
• Appreciates my weirdness
• Likes animals, especially dogs and horses
• Wants to live in a small town
• Wants a maximum of three children
• Clean and organized
• Good hygiene
• Good speller
• Usually on time
• Reads the newspaper every morning
• Has a nerdy side to him
• Holds my hand
• Says “Love you Mom” before he hangs up the phone with his mother
• Has a good and stable family