Mending a Broken Heart

Romantic relationships can be complicated and messy. Let's face it; most relationships don't work out, as most of us will (hopefully) only end up with one significant other. The purpose of the relationships that don't quite work out is to let us grow as a person and to figure out how to make a relationship work when we do find that special someone. Unfortunately when most relationships end someone has to get hurt. Sometimes, it's even hard for both sides--after all, breaking up is not easy to do. It hurts to throw away your story with someone. All the good memories and the dreams and plans you had for the future. It does not matter if you wish things could be different or if you even regret something you did. It does not matter if you regret becoming involved with that person or if you are angry and looking for revenge.

But you must face the fact that your heart is broken.

So now what? Are you going to sit and cry for the rest of your life or are you going to do something to fix your current situation? Put aside all the "what ifs" and remember that you can not change something that was not meant to be. You can only remember the lessons you learned and apply them to the next relationship. And trust me, there will be someone else. But first you need to mend your broken heart. You can do this, you just need to remember that it all depends on you!

Step 1: Cry out everything you have to cry about! When we get hurt, it is completely normal to cry. Don't ever think you are being weak for crying and don't feel embarrassed because of it. You can lock yourself in a room, if you want to, and put on some sad music...but let yourself feel the pain and cry so you can let it go. The main thing here is: Get rid of the pain, just let them go.

Step 2: Get busy. When you are trying to get someone out of your head, you need to put other things inside of it. It doesn't matter how; you just need to get distracted. Go to a movie, play a game, or travel. It does not matter what you are you going to do--the important thing is to find something to do. Find a hobby, find something you enjoy doing, something to keep your mind busy. If your mind is busy you won't have time or space for the person you are trying to forget.

Step 3: Spend some time with your friends. Friends are always great to have in this kind of situation. Friends can make you feel good about yourself and get you distracted easily. They will certainly make you laugh and make you see that you're way more important than you think.

Step 4: Avoid the person. Avoid places you know you might see them. When you're trying to forget someone and you keep seeing them, it becomes harder to move on. If you meet them somewhere be polite, but keep the interaction short. It might be difficult at first because you secretly want to be with them no matter the circumstances, but in the end you will understand why it's better to avoid them.

Step 5: Avoid every kind of romantic thing. If you are trying to forget someone, you should not watch romantic movies or listen to romantic songs...it makes you feel bad and you will certainly remember the person you are trying to get rid of. It does not matter if it is a song you love or if it is playing on the radio, just change the station or do something else...you just need to avoid the romantic things for now.

Step 6: Take good care of yourself. Women tend to run for some kind of self-destruction when they're hurt. When the relationship fails we have no reason to take care of our appearance anymore and the only thing that gives us comfort is chocolate and sugar. That way we become less attractive; which, is apparently convenient since we are not ready to date anyway. But this laziness depletes our self-confidence. So if you are hurt, just try to use your pain to benefit yourself instead of against yourself. Go to the gym and look like you actually took a shower...do whatever you can so you feel beautiful and confident!

Step 7: Open your eyes. You are still in the grieving process for step 7 and by no means are you ready to date yet. But, open your eyes and force yourself outside your comfort zone. There might have been someone who was perfect for you, but you were too busy putting effort into a relationship that wasn't going anywhere. Be open minded and stop comparing every girl you meet to the one that didn't work out.

Step 8: Accept the process. Getting over someone takes time and you have to accept that. You can't expect to forget in 2 days someone you loved for 2 years and you can't pretend to be strong if you feel like crying. Just face your pain and accept that it is not easy and it is going to take some time. When you are patient with yourself and your situation, things tend to get easier and better.

Forgetting someone is not easy to do nor is it easily explained in just 8 steps. But here are some things that will help make the process smoother. As I said, it takes time and it is hard but I'm sure you can do it. The only thing that is really important is: It all depends on you! If you want to forget someone, then you will, there is no doubt. Even if it takes a long time, even if you have to be strong...you will be. In that kind of situation we usually find out that we are a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. So believe in yourself, take a deep breath, and move on!

<3 The Nunnery

If he is weird

All of Jenna’s talk about movies got me thinking about the 90s. Remember in the movie Clueless when Ty falls in love with Travis? Cher and Dion tell Ty that there is no way that she can ever date him and expect to still be in the popular group.

At first glance, Travis is the typical stoner, it’s true. He wears dirty shirts, baggy jeans, and has hair that is so greasy that it practically dreds on its own. But despite his outer appearance, he is probably the kindest boy at the whole high school. Is he not the first person to run to Ty’s aid after she gets knocked out by a purple clog?

This example of Travis leads me to an important point to make for Nuns. As a nun, one thing that may be holding us back from finding true dating bliss is the fact that the boys we like may be extremely weird. This boy may like to push the “acceptable” boundaries of society in his appearance and mannerisms. He is slightly rebellious, and we may be slightly attracted to that because as Nuns we like to have a little bit of fun outside of the convent.

We may be afraid to show our true feelings about this boy to our friends because of fear of what they will say. Will they judge us for choosing to like someone who is by definition one of the weirdest people in the world? What will people think of about our own mental stability for choosing to like someone who is abnormal?

With these thoughts constantly running through our minds, we refuse his advances and we act like we are too cool for him, but really, what is normal? Who is normal? NO ONE IS. Everyone has their own little quirks and “special interests,” and those differences are what help to ensure that the whole female population is not chasing after one man.

So what if he likes anime and looks grungy/sketchy 6 out of 7 days in the week? Despite his outward appearance, he may be the sweetest guy in the world, but you have to get past the outward show in order to discover who he truly is. He probably does not show his true self to a lot of people, but in the presence of a Nun, he may feel a little more at ease to be himself because he understands that a Nun may feel just as out of place in the social spectrum as he does.

All I am saying is to consider giving that weird boy a chance : ) it may turn out to be quite beneficial. Your friends might have some objections to the relationship at first, but once they see how the two of you click, his weirdness won’t even be weird anymore. He will just be quirky (which is a nicer way of saying weird, jk). And who cares what your friends think anyway, as long as he’s good to you.

<3 The Nunnery

Real men can't hold a match to Jake Ryan

As much as I love 80’s movies I feel that the depictions of romance have actually misconstrued the meaning of the word, ultimately causing a skewed perception of males. Case in point: Jake Ryan. He was the quintessential figure of the school: handsome, popular, and rich. But, most importantly he was actually a cool guy. For example, Jake Ryan was the guy who got Samantha’s panties back and didn’t make a big deal of it. He also found the ‘sex test’ she dropped on the floor and just kept the information to himself. He didn’t tell his friends, he didn’t e-mail or text everyone the evidence. So maybe they didn’t have the possibilities of networking that we have today, but even if there was that temptation Jake Ryan wouldn’t have nudged. Why? Because Jake Ryan was and still is the perfect guy. He will forever cloud our minds with possibilities; that the most popular and attractive guy in school will dump his supermodel girlfriend and actually notice the quiet not-so attractive girl.

But the truth is Jake Ryan is fictional, he does not exist, and no he is not going to pick you up at church in his red Porsche 944. It simply will not happen. The only solace remains within the perceptions we have built in our minds during our adolescent days. Every girl had her own Jake Ryan in High School and the world was a better place because of him. On the outside he was perfection and you had this hope he would notice you…. because of Jake Ryan you believed that a nice guy could be inside a flawless exterior, but that is not the case. He is not going to smile at you at the school dance, nor will he take the time to look up your number to call you, and he definitely isn’t going to bake you a cake for your birthday. I’m sorry to this again, but it will not happen.

There is no perfect guy; however, that doesn’t mean that the RIGHT guy doesn’t exist. I think you just have to find someone that you can be yourself around and will accept you for you, vice versa. As I learned in High School you can’t put people on pedestals because they have no where to go but down. Thus, you shouldn’t expect a Jake Ryan, nor should you want one. There are plenty of great guys out there and you just have to look in the RIGHT place to find them.

<3 The Nunnery

Let's go on a Date

What’s the hardest part of going on a date? Getting asked out in the first place. Personally, I can say that I had been on 4 legitimate dates from ages 17 to 21 and that was not annually, there was like a three year dry spell in between, but when you’re a Nun, you have to count what you can get.

It has always baffled my mind how some girls have an endless line of suitors taking a number just to sit next to them on a couch. What is it about them? They may not be the prettiest girl in the world, but somehow, they either know how to pluck the male or they possess an aura. There must be some secret fountain of endless dating that these girls drink from that allows them to get this glowing aura. This aura is so powerful that it blinds guys from getting out of their comfort zone to ask out a Nun which leaves Nuns dateless on the weekends.

So, we have to resort to other means to get some dating experience. Last Sunday, in my ward, we had the dreaded fifth Sunday Priesthood/Relief Society marriage talk. I usually like to blank out on these discussions, but I did happen to take away from it a valuable quote: “You aren’t going to get asked out on dates if you don’t get out of your comfort zone and sit around on your couch waiting for someone to ask you out.”

This statement was like an epiphany for me because in all truthfulness, I do enjoy sitting on my couch and before the age of 21, that is all that I did. Every time that I was on that couch on a Friday night watching a Disney Channel original movie where 13 year olds were finding love, I would say “why doesn’t anyone ever ask me out? Why doesn’t Troy ever sing to me like he does to Gabriella?” I guess you have to get up and stop being so comfortable in order to find a guy friend with the values you desire in a bf and this will help in the dating department.

I think that you don’t have to be the social butterfly of the group and it may not have immediate results right away, but your ability to be yourself in a social setting will help. So don’t lose hope. One day you and a boy will click, and it will be beautiful.

<3 The Nunnery

You might be a nun if

1. Instead of having a face-to-face conversation with a boy, you’d rather have one over fb chat

2. You create elaborate schemes to get him to acknowledge your existence. Such schemes would include: creating an IM account to talk to him as a mystery girl (shout out to my middle school days), conveniently showing up at a place that he frequents, making him a homemade valentine with an encrypted message that means I love you

3. You decide not to dress grungy on the days of the week that you know you will somehow see him, but every other day you like a hot mess.

4. You have only been on a handful of dates in your life with boys you didn’t really even like, know, or been set-up with.

5. You’ve never had a real bf and you’re pushing 23

6. You’ve never been kissed and you’re pushing 23

7. The thought of a relationship excites you and terrifies you at the same time

8. You have flirted all your life, but no one’s ever feelin’ it. They move away from you when you come up to them; they avoid because you’ve become a creeper

9. You have already made a plan to move to a big city and live up the single life at 30 because you think you won’t get married (not true!).

10. You have more crushes on celebrities than on actual people.

<3 The Nunnery

How to tell if he likes you

The other day I googled “how to tell if he likes you.” The results of this search taught me one thing: apparently, I was supposed to figure out the signs to tell if a boy likes me back in middle school. There is tons of advice on the web for struggling middle school girls, but what about the advice for us nuns? I feel like back in middle school that some potential nuns were too preoccupied with friendships, school work, and extra-curricular activities to even being thinking “seriously” about love. Middle school is awkward enough with without having to also try to decipher the male mind. But, I guess it’s better to figure out these things in middle school than to be in the position that many nuns are in right now: late teens, early twenties still clueless about dating.

I know that there are probably some current nuns who understood how to tell if boys liked them back in middle school. They probably had it down to a science then and thrived, but now that they are older their abilities seemed to have diminished substantially. Why did that happen? It seems like a cruel trick of fate. We’re past middle school and there’s no going back, so we’ve got to make up for the deficit somehow. If I have learned one thing in this past month of my life, it is that if a guy is genuinely interested in you, you won’t even have to ask Google for the answer.

He will find ways to make it known to you because he will take the time out to pursue. He will want to talk to you. He will want to find ways to be around you. He will initiate interaction. Now this is not to say that as nuns we just have to sit around and wait to be pursued. Also, this does not say that if no one is pursuing us (which may be a true case right now) that there is no hope for us. Plenty of great relationships have happened when the boys couldn’t initially see how great the girl was at first.

As nuns, we have a habit of hiding behind our awkwardness, insecurities, or fear of rejection, and that is why some guys won’t consider dating us at first. Once we find confidence in our ability to interact with boys, they will see this confidence in us and will FLOCK to our door. But, I think that it all begins with our ability to be patient with ourselves and to take our interactions with boys one step at a time.

<3 The Nunnery

The Cinco

The Cinco involves having 5 main crushes at any given time, I propose:

1. The Ward Crush
2. The Work Crush
3. The School Crush
4. The Facebook Crush
5. The Olive Garden Boy Crush (Can also be Spoon Me Boy Crush, Macey's Cashier Boy Crush etc, you get the idea)

You can have any other random crush in any place you frequent, maybe Gold's Gym Treadmill Boy Crush or whatever.

This way, you don't accidentally obsess too much over one boy. And if School Crush rejects you, you can move along to Work Crush or any of the others. Slowly you can replace School Crush for when this may happen again. You get the idea?

<3 The Nunnery (Special Contribution by Kelsey)